Turning of events

Funny and interesting how things change in a month.
Last entry I was in sorrow and ready to shut down, this entry we're engaged and happy.
And yes, the negative memory did resolve.
Sometimes it does flicker but I've learned to let it pass.
Guess I've grown up a little!

I've also learned to trust him more, he is a different person than before.
He's shared things that he won't share with his closest friend, so I should return the trust in him doing what's best for us.

Maybe I won't need this journal anymore.
There isn't much to record.  Days are ordinary, and that's a blessing.

Old scar

I've bottled up my feelings for the past 20 years, letting only a trickle of it out for performing.
In fact, I don't think I've been letting much of it out.
My playing is purely technical and mechanical, recognizing patterns and regurgitating them out.

Tonight I told him that I felt abandoned from years ago.
My hormones are gushing out all over the place, I'm being overwhelmed by insecurities.
That he has came to terms with the past on his own, found his peace.  But I'm still stuck with resentment.

He's looking for a peaceful, happy partner.
I'm still drowning.
I'll need some soul upgrade to get to his level to let it go completely.
Aiming to get to resolution before my birthday.
Looks like I have a week to work on this.