I've bottled up my feelings for the past 20 years, letting only a trickle of it out for performing.
In fact, I don't think I've been letting much of it out.
My playing is purely technical and mechanical, recognizing patterns and regurgitating them out.
Tonight I told him that I felt abandoned from years ago.
My hormones are gushing out all over the place, I'm being overwhelmed by insecurities.
That he has came to terms with the past on his own, found his peace. But I'm still stuck with resentment.
He's looking for a peaceful, happy partner.
I'm still drowning.
I'll need some soul upgrade to get to his level to let it go completely.
Aiming to get to resolution before my birthday.
Looks like I have a week to work on this.
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